Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
