i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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