I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
