If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
