so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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