Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
