When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
