he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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