Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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