Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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