I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
