i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
