Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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