My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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