Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
