Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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