do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
