Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
