I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
