they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
