you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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