One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
