I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
