Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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