Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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