Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
grandma shit on top of the toilet
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
