Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
