i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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