So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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