Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
