Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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