he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
