you would pick up someone in the library
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
