i wish my penis had a tongue
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
operation have a gay friend backfired
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
