i don't like sucking hair
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
