i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
