Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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