I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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