Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I still have a little drunk in my system
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
