first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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