he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
