my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
