I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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