I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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