Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
