My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
