i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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