but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
