you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
