4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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