Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
