i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
