Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
