so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
