guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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