so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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