I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
