Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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