I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
