You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
