He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
