Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
