Nicole vs. Life
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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