But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
