Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
