He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
