i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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