Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You did what with his pubic hair?
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