Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
