Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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