This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my shit smells like andre
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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