First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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