His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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