so explain again why im purple
no
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
