The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
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having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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