Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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